Turn of the thumb

Poor

I've ruined my life in just one simple week. Through the course of looking for help, I have made things worse. I can't afford rent, my car payment water sewage. Laying here I feel sick. I must work, but I can't I can't do it. What do I do? There isn't money for food or gas. I can afford dog food for Charley. I'm useless I can't even feed myself. I'm useless

Beauty and bravery

I have a wall by my need covered in posters I've made. The majority are women whom I believe are far braver than, but I aspire to have their journeys. When it comes to being physically brave, there is no contest. Often times it is motivated not only by our courage but fear of not acting. Inside I battle. I am at war with myself and it is much easier to ignore the problems set before me. When it comes time to face these pustules of hate and despair, hurt and grief, there is no one in my corner. Maybe I am worthless. Will ever be like the brave women on my wall. They look at my grief and brush it off. I am fierce?

I pass along my grief to you, I can bare it no longer. Sometimes I brush off a piece here with a harsh word or hurting look and you carry it with you where ever you grow. Take that piece and put it where you will; a.dark secret cave, jar, chest. Build an entire dam of grief and stress. It will fall and you will be bullied over with sorrow, guilt, stress and loathing. Drown in it and then pass it along.

Brave thoughts

My anxiety is through the roof today. I have sought help for depression and anxiety from professionals, but I feel they have let me down. They have drug their feet and made excuses or didn't want to claim responsibility and now I don't have a paycheck. Will I even have a job when I go back, if I go back. I'm told I will, but the thought of going back to work rolls my insides in on themselves. I need help, but I am being let down by friends, co-workers and now mental health professionals. Am I not important enough? I AM! Why won't anyone help me.

Literary Therapy

It's been a long time since I have written on my blog. I have since become a medic on my own truck, with my own interns and experienced great tragedy in my life. Sometimes bottling up everything and being the 'strong one' isn't healthy and eventually our minds break. All the things that have built up until this point have seemed small, but they aren't and they build and build until those who offer help, need help themselves.